Leadership: It’s in the little moments

I am a leader. I am also a father. I’ve done my fair share of reading and studying in both arenas. I’ve always found it interesting how rare it is that leadership books and the gurus who write them refer to parenting in their work, but the fact is there is seemingly endless overlap.

For instance, as a leader, while we always try to lead by example and subtly guide others toward the choices which will take them in the best direction, there are moments when explicit direction is necessary. As a parent, well, we all know there are plenty of occasions when explicit direction is absolutely necessary in parenting also.

As a leader, any occasion when someone within the organization seeks you out for guidance, words of encouragement or simply a moment of counsel is an occasion you’ll likely treasure. And, of course, few things are sweeter for a father or a mother to hear than their own children approaching for some advice or help.

As a leader, our greatest achievement are the win/win moments. The organization and the individual people within it achieving goals that are both professionally and personally rewarding is the whole point. When the organization succeeds at reaching its desired outcomes and our team members develop and grow as the professionals, as well as the men and women they are capable of becoming, we have succeeded as leaders. It probably goes without saying, the same is true as a parent. We want our family to blossom and grow both collectively and individually.

But, the question is, how do we get there? How do we ensure those in the organization feel comfortable and even desire to seek us out for the leadership and guidance we purport to offer? How do we get to the point where we’re able to move our organization to the next level and enjoy the fruit of individual achievement and growth among our teammates?

As a parent, how do we ensure our children grow to inherently trust us and desire our input in their lives? How do we ensure the development and well being of our family both collectively and individually?

As we all know, the answer to all of these questions is not found in a title or a position, nor is it found in the giving of explicit direction or commands. Despite what the military tried to instill in me over the years, we cannot order our way to success; at least not long term success.

As both a leader and a parent, I assert that the magic happens in the little moments…

I took the entirety of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend off for the first time in years. I intentionally invested that time in rest and togetherness with my wife and children. Among other things, one of the most sacred activities we enjoyed in our home this past weekend was putting up the Christmas decorations. Together we placed the ornaments on the trees (yes, there are multiple now) and while doing so shared many of the cherished memories of each piece with one another. We laughed. We might have shed a little tear or two as we remembered time gone by. But, in the end, we spent these little moments together reflecting, laughing, and connecting as a family.

I enjoyed the break. It was time well spent in the moment. However, I also view those occasions as so much more than that. It wasn’t just a break from work. These opportunities are long term investments; investments in my family as a whole and investments in each individual member of the family. I want my children to grow up not only knowing me as their father, I want them to trust me and value me as a source of guidance and support as they grow. I want my wife to know I’m present and an active part of the family as a whole, but also ensure she isn’t alone in her role as a parent. Those goals aren’t achieved by default. They take intentionality, time and effort in the little moments of life.

The same is true as professional leaders. It is in these little moments, both personally and professionally, that long term bonds are formed, trust is earned, and real relationships develop. There’s no title or position any of us can earn which will replace what those little moments can offer; those brief but meaningful “check ins” and gentle expressions of interest and concern in another’s individual life. Leaders aren’t labeled. Leaders rise to the occasion. And while there are certainly occasions when leadership demands a firm voice and explicit direction, the vast majority of effective and impactful leadership happens in the little moments. Invest in little moments both at home and at work and you’ll find some incredible opportunities to make an impact as a leader, a parent, even a friend or family member.